Things parents should never say to kids – hurtful words, comparing siblings/friends, authoritarian parenting all can leave deep scars in children’s minds. Here is some parenting advice for providing a healthy childhood.

Kids have impressionable minds. What they see and hear at home stay with them. Our words have a great impact on children. Parent’s words can make or break a child’s life. A troubled childhood smeared with hurtful words can deeply scar children.

Think about the most hurtful words you have heard as a child. Those words always live with us along with the bad memories. You will remember things like “I was better than you at your age”, “look at your brother, he is so good”, “you will do this because I said so” – you will remember these more than probably a few good praises by your parents.

When I became a mom, I had made up a mind on my parenting style. I want to bring up an individual who is well behaved, independent, and emotionally secure. My parenting style is very different from a lot of people. It is not at all like how I was brought up – well I had a lovely childhood too. I neither want to over pamper my child nor want him to go through any violence/ abuse.

Why self-control is important for parents when they speak to kids?

To think – I have faced this in my childhood so it’s okay to do the same with my child – is absolutely wrong. Creating a transparent and healthy relationship with a child is very important to make them emotionally secure. There are so many things parents should never say to kids. A child doesn’t have the wisdom to realize that anger / violence/ hurtful words might have come from a parent because of their lack of self-control or ignorance. Parents are their role models for everything. They tend to believe most things we tell them. They learn from you. You have to lead by setting an example. An emotionally healthy child is also a big responsibility of a parent.

Why negative words affect a Child’s mind?

Kids who are made to hear negative words – from parents/friends/school – develop a low self-esteem. Check the kind of language you use around kids. You neither need to make them suffer or make them feel low about themselves if they have made a mistake. Negative words instead of “teaching them a lesson” harms their self-esteem and kids end up thinking negative things about themselves.

So here is some parenting advice for all parents – toddlers, to tweens every child needs a parent who understands them and not commands them.

5 Things Parents should never say to kids – Parenting Advice

#1 “DO THIS BECAUSE I SAID SO”

Authoritarian Parents have a habit of commanding kids instead of letting them speak up. This isn’t normal. No one wants to grow up taking orders. This will make them resentful or make them fear you. It might work for a very short time, but as the kids grow up – it will not help them.

Don’t say things like – “Sit with your homework now, because I am telling you to do it”. This is a commanding statement.

What can you say – “How are you planning to do your homework on time?” Let them come up with an answer. Co-operate with kids instead of commanding or imposing.

#2 “LOOK AT YOUR BROTHER, WHY CAN’T YOU BE LIKE HIM”

I am sure most of us have heard statements like these in our childhood. DO NOT compare your kids with siblings or friends. This is one of the worst things a parent can do to a small child – break his/her confidence. They will develop an identity crisis and feel resentment and jealousy.

Imagine as an adult if your husband says “why can’t you be like his wife” (referring to a friend’s wife), would you like it? This statement alone can be ground for a bitter altercation. Imagine what would this comparison be like for a child.

What can you say – “This time your grades aren’t very good. If you try harder and give your best shot, it will improve. How are you planning to go about it? Let’s discuss together.”

Make them understand that if they do something better they will help themselves. Every child is an individual and they do not need comparisons.

#3 “I WISH I NEVER HAD KIDS, I HAVE SACRIFICED SO MUCH FOR YOU”

This is the worst thing a mom can say to her child. Parenting is a challenging task, a big responsibility, and an exhausting feeling – sometimes. Even if you are thinking such negative things in your mind, there’s no need to say that to your child.

Small children are gullible. Repeatedly if you say such things they will start feeling guilty for being born and depriving of your free lifestyle or work etc. That child will never develop self -worth.

Kids need to feel they are loved. Create that positive and healthy environment by not saying such negative words.

What can you say – “ I am so grateful you came into our lives. I love you”

#4 “YOU ARE JUST LIKE YOUR MOM/DAD”

One of the things parents should never say to kids is negative words about the spouse. Both the parents become role models for kids. Bad mouthing a mom or dad in front of the child is a very bad move. They will lose respect for both of you.

What can you say – “the toys are lying in the living room, can we try to clean it?”

Comment on their action alone and encourage them to do the chore, instead of saying things like “you are just like your dad, leaving things everywhere and I have to clean the house all the time”.

#5 “I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU. I AM LEAVING AND NOT COMING BACK AGAIN”

Kids need to feel emotionally secure with parents. Saying such things will make the child feel he is in an unprotected and unsafe environment. Home is where they feel safe and free. They should be able to express freely in their homes.

I had said something very similar to my 4-year-old when I was frustrated (with too many things in my head and him nagging me for something). I had said “I am going away”. For days, my son kept telling me –“please don’t leave me and go”. I had to assure him I am not leaving anywhere without him. And I felt terrible of having said something like this to him.

Children will stop expressing themselves freely to you if they sense it will trigger a negative comment or yelling etc. etc. This can be damaging for their mental health.

What can you say – “Let us sit quietly for a min and count till 20 together”. It’s natural for a parent to be frustrated. But no need to dump that on your child. Cool off the steam – together.

I hope this parenting advice will help you in your parenting journey. Be careful of what you say around your child – because they will pick these traits up before you realize your mistake. One of the things parents should never say to kids is negative words in any form. Encourage them to do better. Make them feel secure – emotionally.

I don’t want to be that mom who scares her son. My son shouldn’t think “if I tell this to my mom, she’ll kill me”. I want to create a healthy environment for my son where he thinks “let me share this to my mom and find a solution together”.

Happy parenting people.

Until next time.

Cheers.

XOXO.

Tina.