Want to practice Gentle Parenting? Here are few tips on how Gentle Parenting works.

How were you disciplined at home when you were a child? I am sure it involved punishments, scolding – that is normal Indian parenting. Right? I got some nice smacks from my mom too (which she has forgotten, but I remember). My dad was way more gentle. But I did know my boundaries and rarely dared to cross it.

Are we to blame our parents? Not quite, because that is the kind of parenting they were accustomed to.

But dominant parenting does more harm than good. See how I told you above, I remember all the incidents, perhaps my mom doesn’t.

Let’s figure out what Gentle Parenting is – it is widely accepted today in the west and is a must-know for millennial moms.

What is Gentle Parenting?

Gentle Parenting is a new style of parenting that involves – understanding, communication and connection with the child.  

Instead of bribing, rewards, punishments Gentle Parenting involves – communicating with the child and education over punishment.

Gentle parenting is peaceful and positive.

Do I practice Gentle Parenting?

Yes, I do. I practice Gentle parenting because I see it as a psychologically positive way. Our conversations are not commands they are two-way conversations that include things like:-

“Would you like to go to the toilet and finish your morning routine, before joining us for breakfast?” Instead of “Wake up. Finish your morning routine fast.  Brush your teeth properly. Come for breakfast right now.”

A partnership with your child is a much better idea.

How to practice Gentle Parenting? How does Gentle Parenting Work?

#1 Respect

One of the key rules of French Parenting is to consider your child as an individual, as another adult human. Take stock of this. When you bring respect in a relationship, it works smoother.

Instead of commanding a child, telling a child what to do – give choices. Teach them how to choose between good and bad. Don’t demand respect because you are parents. Earn that respect through your words and actions.

#2 Adjust your Expectations

These days’ parents have loads of expectations from their children. They have to excel in everything right from age 3! Please take a break and adjust your expectations according to your child’s age and development. If you are trying to teach non-age-appropriate things and if they are not following it – it is not the child’s fault! Realize that and accept that.

For example: If you want your child to be fully toilet trained by two years of his age, you are asking too much of from the child! A child should be toilet trained by age 3 because by that time they learn impulse control.

#3 Understanding

Understand your child’s behavior and understand your own behavior. One thing that parents hardly take care of is their own behavior. Kids will learn what they’ll see. Parents need to be the role model, not a person of whom the child should be scared of.

For example: When you find a child throwing a temper tantrum (mostly the twos and threes), instead of raising your voice and shouting to control it, understand what is triggering it. Don’t lose your cool and deal with it calmly. When a child sees you calm and composed, they are more likely to get over it.

The question is – you want the child to learn to shout and yelling or being calm and problem-solving?

#4 Practice Empathy

It is possible to discipline a child without yelling. Empathize with your child, like how you want anyone to empathize with you. Listen to their queries, check what is triggering a tantrum.  The best thing you can do is – put yourself in your child’s shoes! Try to think what’s going on in his mind, what is making him scared.

Let your child voice his emotions. Sometimes crying is okay. There’s no such thing that boys shouldn’t cry. Keep yourself approachable for the child.

Now you must be thinking Gentle parenting is all lenient – you give the child what he wants, you are okay with the chid being unruly, not finishing his food etc.

NO.

Gentle Parenting, in fact, does not mean permissive parenting.

You are not raising spoilt brats. You are seeking solutions, you are seeking a partnership. Gentle parenting has enough boundaries and family rules that you set with your child – but you set that in a manner that they understand.

What do you think of Gentle Parenting? Did you know how gentle parenting works? Have you tried it in your parenting journey? Let me know.

I am sharing Parenting hacks for Millennial Moms on this Season of A to Z Challenge. Adding the post links as I post them.
A – Amazing Moms
B-Boys -What Boys Need from their moms
C –  How to be a calm mom
D – Discipline kids without yelling
E – Raising Emotionally healthy Kids
F – French Parenting Tips

Until next time.

Cheers.

Xoxo

Tina.

French Parenting is considered great at producing well-behaved kids. Learn 6 French Parenting tips to bring up well- behaved kids

There are so many parenting styles, that if you start reading up on them you will be surprised. Now, I don’t consider any one single parenting style pitch-perfect but like to take the goods from different styles. If you are with me on this, let’s look at some goods of French Parenting Style.

Wait, what? French Parenting? I have heard only French Fry! What is this thing?

Did you know it is considered that the French mostly have well-behaved kids? French parents have well-behaved kids because they look after themselves first. Self-care anyone? French kids are known to throw fewer tantrums, the kids sleep through the night at two months, they are not picky eaters, and the moms are chilled and chic! Sounds out of this world, right?

Now French Parenting is strict and stringent. They are authoritarian parents and their state education system follows that.

For example, French parents let their kids cry for longer hours to teach them how to comfort themselves! I am not a follower of this. I don’t think this is how I want to be with my son. If he’s crying I need to know why he’s crying, and I should be there to comfort him.

But there are some great things too which I practice. Let’s see the good of French Parenting. Here are some French Parenting Tips to bring up well-behaved kids.

6 French Parenting Tips to bring up well-behaved kids

French Kids are allowed to do difficult things themselves

From a toddler stage, French parents encourage kids to do things on their own. This boosts confidence in kids and teaches them grit. They eat on their own, small children are allowed to make their own non-fire cooking food (e.g. sandwich, peanut butter jelly sandwich).

French Kids are taught to sleep on their own quite early in their life

If I learned something good from French Parenting, it is making your toddler sleep through the night!

My son started sleeping through the night 8 hours straight from day 30! Lucky me? I figured out, when he’s well-fed, and had drier diapers he “slept like a baby”. I stuck to a schedule, got the room dark with a night lamp on only even when he had to sleep during the day, changed his diapers once in 5 hours in his sleep and he was okay with it.

I literally have not had a sleepless night since he competed 1-month age. But I did some singing for him.

French parents allow kids to soothe themselves and don’t jump to help at the first moment. They stick to a schedule from early on and make the infant sleep routine a practice. They don’t rock babies to sleep, or use pacifiers.

Polite Manners Are Non-Negotiable

The French society considers kids to be little humans that can be molded and formatted! They teach manners from a very early stage. French in general are quite polite with good manners, so the kids pick up faster. There is no way a French child can escape a “bonjour” (greeting others). Eye contact, social manners, polite hellos are taught to French kids from very early on.

I have taught my son how to do ‘namaste’, how to touch feet and do ‘pronam’ (Bengali word) – he does this with his grandparents only. He also greets everyone with a hello or a hi.

And his answer for everyone asking him How are you is “I am very fine, thank you”. This I have not taught, he heard his dad talking over the phone and the line has just stuck with him!

French kids also wait patiently for the food to come at a restaurant or a café. Culture matters.

French Food Habits – No picky eater in France

French kids eat everything, there are no picky eaters! My son was a major picky eater which now I have reversed!

French kids are given three meals a day and one small evening snack at 4 pm. That’s it – no snacking or munching in between! They don’t have the concept of munchies and snacking at any given point of the day! French parents discourage eating any snack. They are okay with kids feeling hungry in between meals so that they eat “real food” at the time of the next meal! Their snack includes sliced cucumbers, green beans or carrot salad! Yes, they are strict with food.

They eat family meals together, eat veggies and don’t throw tantrum over food. In France, they introduce vegetables first as baby food. Food is never used as a bribe, reward or punishment.

Self-Play, firm boundaries and Free Time

French moms take their lives seriously, they like their freedom. They don’t get overwhelmed with motherhood. They practice self-care, they are always chic –dedicated to fashion, and they enjoy spending time with their spouse, friends – and not just stick to the sides of their kids. They do not lose their own identity after child birth.

How do they do that?

French parents want their kids stimulated and guided but not all the time. They allow free playtime for their kids. They let kids be happy with themselves. They believe children need to learn to be alone and cope with frustration and find out creativity with their time.

No means No

All mothers want this – across the world. French moms don’t cave in, they stick to their NO. A child will say no, throw a tantrum, but French parents don’t budge. It makes children patient, calm, equable even when he doesn’t get all that he wants.

Did you like these French Parenting Tips for well-behaved kids? Do you practice something similar to these? Let me know in the comments below.

I am sharing Parenting hacks for Millennial Moms on this Season of A to Z Challenge. Adding the post links as I post them.
A – Amazing Moms
B-Boys -What Boys Need from their moms
C –  How to be a calm mom
D – Discipline kids without yelling
E – Raising Emotionally healthy Kids

Until next time.

Cheers.

Xoxo

Tina.

How to raise emotionally healthy kids – a lot depends on the parents. Emotionally healthy children have parents who do these 5 things.

Mental health problem is not limited to adults – kids go through mental stress too. Kids having depression and attending therapies and having anti-depressants is not new in countries like the US. What can parents do to raise emotionally healthy kids? Actually, quite a lot.

Why you should raise emotionally healthy kids?

It’s a strange world we live in. There are more teen suicides now than we had known earlier. Children find it hard to cope up with life challenges like – pressure of exams, separation of parents, breakups, etc. Kids, adolescents all need good mental health to thrive in their lives.

When you raise emotionally healthy kids – you are raising confident kids who trust their own judgments, who are not afraid, who can communicate better and solve their problems. As a parent, we can equip our children to be mentally strong, resilient and emotionally healthy.

Emotionally healthy children have parents who do these 5 things, let’s see what they are.

How to raise emotionally healthy kids?

Communicate with children. Know What is happening in their lives

As parents, connect with your child at a human level. Stay up to date with what’s happening in the world and what’s happening in your child’s life. Make an effort to know what they like – the kinds of books they are reading; kind of content they watch online or TV.

Talk to them and ask questions about their day – what he did in school, who his friends are. Share similar inputs from your life too to make a better and open conversation.

Keep the communication healthy and two way.

Let kids solve their problems

Saw your child in an argument with a friend. Want to jump in and rescue him?

STOP RIGHT THERE.

Let kids solve their own problems. Let them find out the solution. If they come for help, counsel them, no more than that. When kids solve their own problems like doing their own home works, math problem, friend problem – they get a sense of pride in themselves. Let them enjoy that.

You can help with suggestions – don’t get into rescue mode. You don’t want your child to grow up with the “damsel in distress” mentality.

Say Yes more than no

Saying no to kids come naturally, right?

No TV.
No iPad.

No Ice cream.

Instead of saying no, say yes to simple things that your child asks for. When you keep forcing down negative commands they tend to ask for it more. One YES against few Nos will boost their confidence.

Practice Positive affirmations

Positive affirmations are good. They improve problem-solving skills, creativity skills and boosts confidence. Make them practice realistic positive affirmations. Practiced as a routine regularly make kids emotionally healthy and confident.

You might like: Positive Affirmations to take control of your life

Teach them how to handle failure

Teach children how to handle failure. Remember the spider climbing up the wall story? Yes, moral stories were really good. Teach children the best way to succeed is to fail an learn from the failure and try again.

For example, while playing building blocks if your child is frustrated why it’s falling down – don’t jump in to rescue the situation by building it. Ask your child what he thinks about why it is falling down. Ask him to try again and find out a solution.

Model emotionally strong behavior in front of your child. They look up to you, you are the role model. Tell them failure, rejection re all parts of life and not a very big deal. Tell them failure doesn’t define them.

As a mom, I will be much happier if I child comes back to me crying sharing a problem with me, communicating with me his true feelings, what he is going through. Instead of sulking in a room and thinking deeply about issues that might just scar him emotionally.

Other things that you also should teach your kids to safeguard them – body positivity, good touch bad touch, saying no, how to have boundaries, sharing is caring.

Did you like my tips on how to raise emotionally healthy kids?

Did you like my parenting style? Do you think I am right when I say I want to raise an emotionally healthy kid who can solve his own problem?

I am sharing Parenting hacks for Millennial Moms on this Season of A to Z Challenge. Adding the post links as I post them.
A – Amazing Moms
B-Boys -What Boys Need from their moms
C – Calm mom – how to be a calm mom
D – Discipline kids without yelling

Until next time.

Cheers.

Xoxo

Tina.

How to discipline a child without yelling is one of the biggest goals in my positive parenting journey.

We women, have it tough. We manage, house, we manage work, we manage kids. When things don’t go our way we go in offensive become short-tempered. Mostly the kids are at the receiving ends of this. When my son was about a year old and couldn’t communicate I was baffled by things like crying, screaming. Why is he crying? How can I make it stop? It frustrated me, and embarrassingly I ended up yelling at a one-year-old!

I hated it.

I wanted positive parenting, I didn’t want to be the screaming shouting yelling mom.

I evaluated myself, took stock, realized my mistake, became a calm mom. It came with practice.

My son is well behaved – his teachers says – he’s extremely well behaved and has no complaints. And I am not a yelling, shouting, punishing mom. How? Want to know how to discipline a child without yelling? I will share my positive parenting tips with you.

How to Discipline a child without yelling – 7 Positive parenting Tips

#1 Stay calm

Be calm, be poised. You don’t want fear spiralling down your child and affecting his emotional and psychological growth. You are your child’s biggest role model. Exercise proper self-control so that your child gets an example of appropriate anger management skills.

#2 Set House Rules

We have house rules

1. No shouting/ yelling
2. Practice magic words – please, thank you, sorry
3. No pushing
4. Clean up your own mess

When you set up house rules, things are clearly defined. I ask my son’s friends too to follow the ‘no pushing, no fighting rule’ when they come for playdates. Because some things are just not allowed.

#3 Discuss/ explain

I have found out the more I am able to explain a concept to my son, it works better. Sit down and talk to your child. Two-way communication is important in any relationship. The more honest you are in these discussions the more comfortable your child will be with good behavior.

#4 Own up your mistakes

We are humans, we do mistakes. Good people own up their mistakes. If I have done a mistake I own it up and when required I say sorry to my 4-year-old. It doesn’t make me small. It tells him, owning up your mistakes is normal and he should be doing that too.

For example – One day while playing the phone charger fell down behind the bed in an unreachable corner. I was not in the room.

He came to me and said

“Sorry Mumma, by mistake your charger fell down and I can’t reach it”.

I was calm and said “its ok, I’ll get it later”

He went back to playing. After a few minutes, he comes back with the charger (wrapped in some dust). He took his hockey stick to take out the charger from under the bed. How he managed, he knows. I didn’t ask him to do it. He did it on his own.

#5 Spend quality time with your child

Quality over quantity is important. One of the most key rules in positive parenting is spending quality time with your child. It is most effective because a child wants you to be there – make time for your child. Your child is your biggest job. And the most important one too! Turn away from a laptop and smartphone and spend a good hour or two with your child.

#6 Praise when they do something good

We thrive on encouragement as adults. Imagine what good it will bring in a small child’s mind when you praise him and encourage him when he does something good. If he helps with a house chore – thank him. If he does his homework on his own – praise him.

If he does something wrong – instead of shouting or yelling tell him – you didn’t expect that from him. Children like to please their parents.

#7 Use a firm voice

I am a friendly mom, but I have set boundaries. I can’t be taken for granted, nor is it okay to overlook everything. How to discipline a child without yelling depends a lot on the parents and how they handle a situation. Talk to your child in a firm voice if there is a situation.

Instead of yelling at the child and making the situation worse, use a firm voice to state “you have spilled water, now you have to take the wipe and clean it”.

Say this instead of a common response like “what have you done, why did you spill water? Who do you think is going to clean that up?”

Your negative tone and yelling will not help in instilling good behavior in your child.

I am sharing Parenting hacks for Millennial Moms on this Season of A to Z Challenge. Adding the post links as I post them.
A – Amazing Moms
B-Boys -What Boys Need from their moms
C – Calm mom – how to be a calm mom

Until next time.

Cheers.

Xoxo

Tina.

What a boy needs from his mom is not just love and care. Here are 5 things your son needs you to do for him. Be there for him and hear him out whenever required.

Raising a girl is a huge responsibility? She will be bringing up a family one day? Let me tell you raising a boy is an even bigger responsibility, I believe. Because I am shaping up a little human to be a good friend, a good person, a good man for his woman. I am my son’s best friend (so far it stands true, not sure how long). It is my responsibility to mold my boy into a man with a character.

Sons are considered “mama’s boys” and daughters “daddy’s princess”. But my definition of mama’s boy is very different.

Loving your boy doesn’t mean smothering him or doing everything for him. Bluey is going to be five in a few months and he is quite independent.

What a boy needs from his mom is to understand him than telling him what to do. Here are 5 things your son needs you to do for him. Let’s check our second Parenting Hack for this year’s A to Z Challenge.

What a Boy Needs from his Mom – 5 things your son needs you to do for him

Affection – Hugs & Kisses

I have noticed my boy has no qualms about wrestling with his dad but is extremely gentle with me. Mostly because I don’t ration his quotas of hugs and kisses! He gets the soft gentle side from me.

There is no such thing called – too much love when it comes to boys. Hugging your boy, cuddling, kissing is positive communication that you are sending towards your kids. It might be easy for me at this age, but the physical affection must remain even when boys turn tweens and teens.

Freedom to let him fall, fail and learn

It is natural for any parent to be a protective blanket for the kids. There’s no better teacher than experience. Give them the freedom to fall, fail and learn from it.

It might pain you to see your child fall or fail. But let them learn from their experiences. Let them learn from situations. I always put forward the good and the bad of any situation and ask my son “what do you think is right?” I can guide him, but I let him choose.

Admit when you are wrong

Moms are not perfect we have flaws, we do mistakes. The only way to mold your boys in strong individual characters is that you teach them to own up their mistakes. How do you teach them? By admitting and owning up your own mistakes when you do it. The apology not only teaches them what is correct behavior, but they will also learn that it’s okay to fail or do mistakes. It teaches them humility.

Nurture what he loves to do

Positive parenting deals with affirmations. Your son might be good in studies, might be good at sports, or could be creative. Nurture what he loves to do. Let him pick and choose. Take out the gender biases, say hi to gender-neutral parenting.

My son loves the kitchen – he has been playing in the kitchen since he started crawling. He likes cooking now and has told me he would like to be a chef. (He also says he wants to be a truck driver!)

Your repeated no’s might have a worse effect on your boys. Let them choose.

Boys need Example

Kids are constantly watching us. They pick up easily what they see. They need to see examples. They need to see the good, the bad. They need to see how you are treated at home. When you leave a good example they learn. Practice family rules, positive statements, daily affirmations.

The safe, happy environment they grow up in becomes the model in their minds.

Now tell me, millennial moms, what a boy needs from his mom? Do you practice any of these in your parenting? Did you like these parenting hacks?  Share with me what you do with your boys.

I am sharing Parenting hacks for Millennial Moms on this Season of A to Z Challenge. Adding the post links as I post them.
A – Amazing Moms

Until next time.

Cheers.

Xoxo

Tina.