There are stories that make you feel happy and take you to a different zone and then there are stories that move you. Stories of real women, stories of their hardship, stories of how they live lives under repression yet all they want is to live. Dear Zari: The Secret Lives of the Women of Afghanistan, by Zarghuna Kargar is one such book that had moved me and compelled to think – why? Why do women have to undergo all this? It also made me feel thankful that I am in a free country and I have the liberty to be free.
I had read this book long time back, somewhere in 2012 and wanted to do a review then. But I have no idea why I had not done it till date. Not many are aware of the lives of general people specially women of Afghanistan.
Dear Zari is a part memoire where the author Zarghuna Kargar narrates her childhood and life as a Pashtun woman and her journey to becoming a radio presenter in UK. Her family fled to Pakistan to escape from the radical Taliban regime and then sought asylum in Britain. That’s where she got trained by BBC radio and produced and hosted a show called Afghan Women’s Hour which was aired in the UK and Afghanistan between 2005 and 2010. It was broadcasted in Dari and Pashtu, the native languages of Afghanistan. This was the show where many Afghan women dared to call and narrate about their lives, their hardships and how it’s almost a sin to be born a female in that land.
The book is also part anthology intertwined with the memoires of the author’s life. It has heart breaking tales of women who had called in the radio show. From being sold off to settle a family dispute to being subjected to extreme domestic abuse – life of women in the Afghan society is not easy.
Zarghuna, narrates first-hand experience of the perils of living in such a society which gave more importance to honor of a family, valued a male more than a girl. She shares intimate details of her wedding night, to explain how deep rooted cultural pressures and taboos are.
God, please make sure I bleed; that’s the only wish I have. I don’t want money or a big house to live in – I just want this blood.
This was her only prayer on her wedding night. According to Afghan culture a white handkerchief is placed below the bride on her wedding night so that her bleeding can be kept as a ‘record’. It’s the proof of her virginity.
There are tales of little girls being given away to much older men to settle family dispute. And these in-laws find it as the right excuse for inhuman behavior and torture on such little girls.
Many Afghan women are carpet weavers who weave at home, since they are not allowed to go outside. Samira’s story narrates the shocking reality of how their babies are sedated with opium to allow the women to concentrate on their work.
How I felt after reading the book?
It is an emotionally draining book. Each of the thirteen stories about these hapless women oppressed under the regressive patriarchal and radical culture makes you feel sad and makes you feel the pain that they undergo each day. Their lives are that of prisoners – prisoners of society.
All I want to ask is why? Is it so bad to be a girl? Why can’t a girl live in that society? Why is it that she has to undergo such pain even in 2010-2012? I cannot even imagine what life would have been under the Taliban.
Not many stories can connect with me at that level.
My Rating
I will give it a big 5 out of 5. It’s a must read for me.
Book Details
Book Name – Dear Zari: The Secret Lives of the Women of Afghanistan
Author – Zarghuna Kargar
Paperback: 288 pages
Publisher: RHUK (3 May 2012)
Genre: Non Fiction
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0099542188
ISBN-13: 978-0099542186
It is also available on Kindle.
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28 comments
The condition of women in Afghanistan is unimaginable. We talk about the perils of patriarchy in India. I have myself felt stifled by it. And, then when I heard the audiobook – A thousand splendid suns and now that I read this book review here, I realise it is still not as hard for us in India as compared to the Afghan women. Dear Zari would be a disturbing read for me.
I am not much aware of the Afghan culture, the rituals.. but their lives are repressed.. and the experience mentioned here is sad and terrifying..
I’m going to pick this up, Tina.. I have just finished Infidel by Ayaan Hirsi Ali and looking for more books about women by women …
I can totally understand how emotionally draining the book must have been. The book – A thousand splendid suns did that to me. I actually like reading about stories based in those locations. Should add this in my list.
That seems truly interesting! I would definitely pick it up. Loves the way you reviewed too. thanks for the recommendation dear Tina.
Hi Tina!
I remember how miserable I was after reading The kite runner. It’s heart wrenching to even think that the story we are reading is someone’s reality.
Reminds of A thousand Splendid sons. Will pick this book up. Thanks for sharing Tina 🙂
Hi Tina,
This review reminds me of A Thousand Splendid Suns. I know what effect it has. Will pick this book for sure.
That sounds like a wonderful book Tina. I am picking up that one for sure. I hope you have read Khaled Hosseini and Nadia Hashimi’s works. Both of them are Afghan writers and you can actually feel their heart bleed in their narration about the country and its people. Thanks for introducing me to this one.
yes Deepali I have read them. It’s unfortunate that an entire nation (actually many more) is suffering because of tradition, patriarchy, militants, terrorists and what not.
Books based in Afghanistan intrigue me, despite leaving me misty eyed always. Marking this for a future read.
A heart warming story about real people and real issues ,I wonder why such societies have such deep rooted anger towards women .I hope the author is happier now
The heart wrenching tale, that I read decades ago was “not without my daughter”, it was so painful to read it that i could not gather courage to pick any book on similar lines but by your review i will read this one now.
I love reading real stories especially that based on woman. The Afghanistan women and their struggle is inspiring.
I have read A Thousand Splendid Suns long time back but it left its imprints on my mind. Reading this review reminds me of that book. Such books emotionally drains us out.
OMG..I am in shock to read about their tradition for women to prove their virginity. seems like an emotional read that will touch the deep core of your heart. thanks for sharing detail review.
This is so heart touching story and more shocking is , it is real story.
I have missed reading this one dear but now I have to for sure at the earliest
That’s quite an interesting book to read about woman in another country. This book surely seems to move you, will check this book.
A sweet synopsis of the book. I love the fact that it is adapted from a true life story. Let me add it to my reading list.
I had never heard about this book but it sounds compelling. It is tough to hear such stories of oppression and we will find many similar stories in our country as well.
I got goosebumps reading this review. It’s so painful the way girls are treated yet in the 21st century. Though it sounds quite emotional book to me, but I would love to read it.
An emotional premise indeed. I’m sure the book will be an eye-opener for people who take their privileged lives for granted.
I am not much of a reader but reading the short description in your post can figure out the situation it would have been. Even in todays time we find many such stories of girls suppression which is sad.
That’s a draining story of little girls in Afghanistan. I didn’t know about it at all. This book is surely an eye opening of this situation for all.
It’s a shame that those girls had to suffer. I have not been aware of this. It is an eye-opener book
Despite the lockdown I haven’t gotten myself to finish even one book yet. I have to reduce the reading I do on WhatsApp first I guess. Good review though.
I had read another famous book on the plights of Afghan women during the Taliban rule earlier and it was so uncomfortable to just think about what they go through. I should read this book too.